Dancing for Food

Overcoming the ballet body image.


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20 Miles

I ran 20 miles today. This is something I never thought I would be able to do. The human body amazes me. With proper training, nutrition, and a whole lot of patience and determination, you can run a long distance. Ultramarathoners cover 50 miles at a time. I will never become that crazy, but it’s still an amazing feat.

I suppose it’s also amazing that the human body can do this too.

On your toes

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Side note: I need to do more ballet again. Post-marathon I hope this will happen.

I woke up at 6 to give myself time to a) wake up b) eat something, and c) use the bathroom at least twice. Runners, you know what I’m talking about!

My pre-run fuel was a piece of wheat bread with plenty of peanut butter.

Pre run snack

I left around 7 to meet my dad at 15th street on the boardwalk in Newport Beach by 7:30. He had gotten there an hour before to get 6 miles in before meeting me – he had 26 miles planned for the day! He had to have such an early start because I needed to be home by noon to get ready for a 2 pm hair appointment. He said it was all good training though because these races start early. So true.

We definitely took some walk breaks and paced ourselves pretty slow in general. He actually has been going a little slower than I generally have, but it was good for me to do that. When we were done, my knee wasn’t nearly as stiff as it had been last time. We kept just under a 10 minute mile when running. I had a Clif shot gel at miles 8 and 15, and drank a Gatorade/water mix that became less Gatorade and more water as the run went on.

We started at 15th street and ran to the wedge where I had taken this picture last week.

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Today was much more foggy and I didn’t a picture. You could hardly see the water.

From there we went back down the boardwalk and all the way to the Santa Ana River Basin. We crossed the bridge and knew that we had to go until my Garmin said 12.7 and then we would turn back. Here was the view in Huntington Beach at mile 12.7.

12.7 mile view

Daddy eating Gu, not getting tired at all. ūüôā

Daddy at 12.7

Me at mile 12.7, also not getting tired at all.

Me at 12.7

Not sure what’s going on with the red skin. ¬†Or my half-closed right eye.

We kept running, or as Daddy called it, trotting, stopping to walk when necessary. Eventually we made it back to the Santa Ana River Basin and were officially back in Newport Beach. The entire way back was much easier mentally because we were going toward the cars rather than away from them. The Garmin beeped 20 miles a couple of blocks ahead of where we thought it would, and we walked back to the cars. Daddy still wanted to cover about a mile more because he hadn’t quite done the full 6 before meeting up with me. I thought he was crazy, but I also totally understand wanting to finish what you set out to do.

When we hit 20.

20 miles done

Done!

I got home, foam rolled, and drank a protein shake made with chocolate protein powder and chocolate coconut milk. ‘Twas delicious. I didn’t snap a photo. Oops.

After my shower, lunch was a banana and overnight oats. With well-deserved milk and Hershey’s iced coffee.

Post run food

I’m SO proud of myself for this run. I was nervous, and it was tiring, but I did it. Running it with my daddy helped immensely. Perhaps we can do it again before the race. My longest run before the marathon will be 22 miles, but it won’t be for a few weeks. I’m running the Surf City Half next Sunday, and I plan to treat it like a training run and either take walk breaks or just run it nice and slow. No PR goals for this one.

And now it’s time for a relaxing evening at home. Chipotle and Yogurtland are on the menu tonight!

Oh, and here’s a picture of Oakley trying to steal more hair elastics. I moved the basket of them from the counter to under the sink so she wouldn’t get them, but she promptly figured out where they were and now every time I open the cupboard for something she comes looking.

Kitty thief

What did you do today? Run? Something else? Rest? Share with me!

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Breakdowns

I’ve had a lot of breakdowns lately. ¬†I had one on my birthday which was super fun. ¬†I had one on Monday night, presumably because of the emotional stress when Grandma passed away on Sunday. ¬†Then I had another one last night.

We’ve been receiving a lot of news lately, some bad, some normal but annoying (money), and some good. ¬†But all together it’s a lot to take in in a short amount of time. ¬†The breakdown happened when I was trying to sleep.

Having all that stuff in my head was just a lot to handle. ¬†As I tried to sleep, my brain wouldn’t turn off. ¬†As it was, I was already going to bed later than I should have. ¬†And then my brain did that thing where it won’t turn off and you start freaking out about the fact that you can’t sleep. ¬†And then you really can’t sleep.

It’s fun times.

Oh yeah, the breakdown. ¬†Well, as I was lying there trying to fall asleep and freaking out about how I couldn’t sleep, I also noticed that I could feel my heart racing in my ears. ¬†Yes, in my ears. ¬†And feel it sort of pounding. ¬†It was kind of scary.

After at least half an of heart pounding, I finally broke down and woke Mat up. ¬†I didn’t want to because he has trouble sleeping as it is sometimes, but I felt so alone and freaked that I just needed him. ¬†Luckily I have the best husband in the world and he stayed up with me, comforted me, and let me cry.

Because boy, did I cry. ¬†I bawled and bawled, and my breathing was all gaspy. ¬†I just couldn’t calm down. ¬†I’m pretty sure it was some form of an anxiety attack.

I eventually did fall asleep, probably around 1 am, and woke up to my original alarm at 5. ¬†Mat said I wasn’t allowed to go for a run and to try and sleep another hour. ¬†I didn’t really because my brain clicked back on, and I ended up getting up at 5:45.

The work day dragged on like you wouldn’t believe (I had to go to a dance collaboration meeting all day and then go back for the Halloween carnival because the dance kids were selling pizza). ¬†And then I finally got home and got to eat this:

Baked potato soup with veggie bacon, adapted from here.

I also had a couple pumpkin spice cake balls. ¬†And Halloween candy. ¬†Obviously. ¬†We didn’t go to CrossFit tonight (again) because of my not sleeping and Mat’s hurt heel, so I’m basically eating a bunch of junk on a non-workout day. ¬†Oh well. ¬†Calories don’t count on Halloween, right?

I’m planning to do my missed run tomorrow morning. ¬†Assuming I get some sleep tonight…


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Guilt

I’m feeling guilty today.

Normally, I go to ballet on Thursdays. ¬†But today I’m not. ¬†Today I’m sore from last night’s CrossFit workout. ¬†Today I didn’t run with the dance kids because of that soreness.

I’m not feeling guilty about skipping the run because I run all the time. ¬†I’m feeling guilty about skipping ballet.

I know it doesn’t make sense. ¬†The reason for skipping both activities today is to let my body rest and recover after last night. ¬†We’re going back to CrossFit tomorrow and I’m planning an 8-10 mile run for Saturday. ¬†So why do I feel guilty?

I was thinking about this on the way home from work today. ¬†It’s the same guilty feeling I got back when I used to dance all the time and had to skip for some reason. ¬† I felt like I HAD to go. ¬†Like it owned me. ¬†I wrote about this on my dancing page. ¬†I guess it hasn’t gone away.

Every time I think I’ve made progress with these feelings of ballet controlling me, they come back. ¬†Clearly, I’m not in the best place yet. ¬†I might be much better than I was a few years ago, but I’m not there yet.

When I see pictures from my ballet days, I still feel sad that I don’t do it anymore.

 

I mean, I still dance, but not like this.

I wonder if I’ll ever truly have time to perform again. ¬†I love that I’m running and trying new things like CrossFit (and a marathon!), but I know I’ll probably get bitten by the performing bug again. ¬†And then what?

 

I’m not sure. ¬†But it’s clear I need more time to fully heal and realize that ballet is NOT all of who I am.

 


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Dance Pants

The dance pants arrived today. ¬†The kids were SO excited. ¬†There was a lot of screaming and giggling and one girl even cried because she was so happy. ¬†If you’re wondering why they were so happy to have pants, it’s because the girls from last year’s team never got sweats even though it had been in the plan. ¬†To actually have sweats by October thrills them to pieces. ¬†I was thanked and hugged and bear-hugged several times. ¬†It was awesome to see them so happy.

The pants (yes, I bought myself a pair. ¬†I couldn’t resist):

Our jackets aren’t in yet because they’re personalized and so are taking longer. ¬†But I’ll be sure to post a picture when they’re here!

Breakfast

Breakfast today was finally different!  Two hard-boiled eggs and two pumpkin muffins.

Yeah, it’s a picture of one muffin, but somehow I feel less gluttonous even though I already admitted to eating two. ¬†ūüôā
Lunch was the same as yesterday: pb&j and half a honey crisp apple.  Nothing special, but still yummy.
Dinner
Dinner was leftovers from last night. ¬†I swear I’m in love with this butternut squash recipe.
In other news, I’m hoping to start writing for Dirty and Thirty. ¬†Stay tuned!


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Dance Practice

Today’s dance practice was awesome. ¬†The kids were having so much fun working on their dance for back to school night, and it showed. ¬†There was some tension during practice yesterday, but today? ¬†Nothing!

The back to school night dance is random and fun. ¬†I told the girls to be sassy and show me how much they love to dance, and they totally did. ¬†I could feel the energy and excitement as they rehearsed. ¬†It’s amazing! ¬†I LOVE being a part of something so great!

They also are working on a dance battle to perform with ASB at the pep rally. ¬†They rehearsed that a few times today too, and it was fantastic as well. ¬†It’s another high-energy dance that I can tell they have a lot of fun with. ¬†I can’t wait for the pep rally to see how well they’re going to do!

Today’s @fitmixer Instagram photo? ¬†Time of workout:

Tomorrow’s? ¬†Healthy carb. ¬†I’m all about the carbs so this will be excellent!


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Photo a Day

I’m having SO much fun with Fitmixer’s (@fitmixer) Instagram photo a day challenge. ¬†I’ve talked about it a couple of other times, but now that the month is almost over I feel compelled to mention it again.

If you go here, you can see yesterday’s photo.

And here are some of my recent photos:

 

 

 

 

 

Today’s photo? ¬†Time of workout!


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Meetings Meetings Meetings

Today has two meetings: one in the morning before school (7 am) and one after school (after dance production runs).

The morning meeting is for Algebra 2 and I’m the course lead, which means I plan the meeting. ¬†This morning’s meeting is dealing with tests for the semester, figuring out what we need to spiral review on Mondays, and making sure we’re all on track with the pacing guide.

This afternoon’s meeting is for the Technology Committee. ¬†We’re trying to update the school’s technology needs list so it’s current and reflects which technology the school wants to get first. ¬†Personally, I’d love for all the kids to have iPads to use in class, but that’s a long ways away. ¬†Too expensive.

Then I have ballet tonight. ¬†Another long day. ¬†But it’s ok. ¬†It’s almost Friday and then this weekend is Kelly’s bachelorette party! ¬†Speaking of Kelly, today is her birthday!

Happy birthday big sis!!!!!