Dancing for Food

Overcoming the ballet body image.


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I’ve had a lot of breakdowns lately.  I had one on my birthday which was super fun.  I had one on Monday night, presumably because of the emotional stress when Grandma passed away on Sunday.  Then I had another one last night.

We’ve been receiving a lot of news lately, some bad, some normal but annoying (money), and some good.  But all together it’s a lot to take in in a short amount of time.  The breakdown happened when I was trying to sleep.

Having all that stuff in my head was just a lot to handle.  As I tried to sleep, my brain wouldn’t turn off.  As it was, I was already going to bed later than I should have.  And then my brain did that thing where it won’t turn off and you start freaking out about the fact that you can’t sleep.  And then you really can’t sleep.

It’s fun times.

Oh yeah, the breakdown.  Well, as I was lying there trying to fall asleep and freaking out about how I couldn’t sleep, I also noticed that I could feel my heart racing in my ears.  Yes, in my ears.  And feel it sort of pounding.  It was kind of scary.

After at least half an of heart pounding, I finally broke down and woke Mat up.  I didn’t want to because he has trouble sleeping as it is sometimes, but I felt so alone and freaked that I just needed him.  Luckily I have the best husband in the world and he stayed up with me, comforted me, and let me cry.

Because boy, did I cry.  I bawled and bawled, and my breathing was all gaspy.  I just couldn’t calm down.  I’m pretty sure it was some form of an anxiety attack.

I eventually did fall asleep, probably around 1 am, and woke up to my original alarm at 5.  Mat said I wasn’t allowed to go for a run and to try and sleep another hour.  I didn’t really because my brain clicked back on, and I ended up getting up at 5:45.

The work day dragged on like you wouldn’t believe (I had to go to a dance collaboration meeting all day and then go back for the Halloween carnival because the dance kids were selling pizza).  And then I finally got home and got to eat this:

Baked potato soup with veggie bacon, adapted from here.

I also had a couple pumpkin spice cake balls.  And Halloween candy.  Obviously.  We didn’t go to CrossFit tonight (again) because of my not sleeping and Mat’s hurt heel, so I’m basically eating a bunch of junk on a non-workout day.  Oh well.  Calories don’t count on Halloween, right?

I’m planning to do my missed run tomorrow morning.  Assuming I get some sleep tonight…


Author: Melissa

Getting healthy - mind, body, and soul.

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