If you’ve read either my “Dancing” page or my “About” page, you have a pretty good idea of the meaning behind my blog’s title. This morning, briefly, I’d like to share a little more.
The idea behind “Dancing for Food” came about on a run, ironically. It came to me randomly one morning; I must have been thinking about the connection between food and dancing and how I was glad to be away from that world. There were points in my ballet life when I lost weight for a particular show. Sometimes it was intentional, sometimes it “wasn’t” (yes, the quotes are there for a reason).
Here’s a picture of me from one of those times where I lost weight – this was September/October 2009:
And here I am now:
I chose a wedding picture not just because I’m in love with our pictures and love reminiscing about the day, but also because I was obviously in good shape that day. But that’s just it – I was in good shape. In the first picture I was clearly getting pretty thin. H0nestly, when I look back at pictures from then, when I was extra thin, I’m sort of grossed out. I mean seriously, look at my arm! You can see tendons or something. Gross.
My cheekbones look super bony too, though that could have been the harsh stage makeup. In the wedding picture I have perfect professionally done makeup. But still. It’s pretty easy to see that I was too thin. I wasn’t anorexic by any means – I definitely ate – but I wasn’t as healthy looking as I am now.
And that’s exactly what I have to remember on the days when I feel fat. I have to remember that I’m strong and am getting stronger with each run. I’m going to try CrossFit, I’m going to strength train more, and I’m going to enjoy seeing the new things my body can accomplish. I may even run a marathon.
And I’m still going to dance. Part of the motivation for this post was my Nutcracker decision. I mentioned it not being healthy for me. And why is that, you ask?
I don’t want to go back to that picture up there. I don’t want to let people mess with my head. I’m not sure yet that I’m in a healthy enough place mentally and emotionally to go back and be in a show without going back to the bad place and beating myself up for eating dessert because eating dessert is evil and prevents you from getting skinny.
The dancing I’m doing now is good for me. It’s healthy. I go to class, I dance, and that’s it. It’s lovely.