After much deliberation, a good deal of confusion, and some angst, I finally decided that I won’t be going to The Nutcracker auditions this morning. As much as I would love to perform again, there are several other things on our plate right now. We have a month of CrossFit classes to try after the Long Beach Half Marathon is over, I have the LA Marathon to consider, and we’re going to be house hunting soon. We also have 3 weddings on our calendar before Thanksgiving. And I already volunteered to chaperone the Bakersfield field trip like last year which is a few days before the performance.
The biggest reason I’m not doing it? Even though all those other reasons are big? I’m not sure I’m healthy enough for it. If you’ve read my About or Dancing pages, ballet was very hard on my emotional well-being. When I first started thinking about Nutcracker, I was being bitten by the performing bug. I thought, “yeah I can handle it. I just want to perform again.” Now? Ehhh…..I don’t know.
What I do know is that as much as I love ballet and love performing, I CAN NOT risk putting myself back in the bad place.